


Kaworu's Neck

by solxander



Category: Evangelion, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Nge, eva - Fandom
Genre: Death, M/M, Sexual Situations, alcohol use, drug ment, exploding dicks, how can i even give warnings for this, made at 2 am fuelled on monster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-03-17 21:24:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3544319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solxander/pseuds/solxander
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why not to do drugs</p><p>vaguely related music: https://8tracks.com/solxander/surfs-up-shinji-kun</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kaworu's Neck

Your name is Shinji Ikari and you have a strange fetish for necks. Primarily extremely long one. There was one very special day where you were walking and you spotted the most beautiful neck you have ever seen. It was so long and angelic. 

Your name is Kaworu and god damn is your neck long. You have had neck trouble since you were about five years old you think (age is strange) and it has done nothing for you but remind you that you will be yaoi trash forever. You also have a kink fr utterly pathetic people for some reason. Today is your lucky day. A pathetic boy that looks quite homosexual is gazing upon your beautiful elongated neck. He licks his lips seductively while he looks at you. You don’t know why but you feel a strange urge to offer him…….. an incredibly small blanket.

You are stunned and actually somewhat impressed by how small this blanket is. You feel the urge to disregard your horrible life and fuck this strangely proportioned boy immediately. You should probably be saving the world right now or whatever but who really gives a shit anymore. Rei has all sorts of clones or something she can deal with it while you get this neck. The only problem is your penis, or your lack of to be more specific. Its the smallest probably in existence. About the size of a grain of rice. You learned that your penis was not like other penis’s when you were being fucked by Mr. Krabs. You sure are embarrassed. 

You are going to fuck this boy right now immediately who even gives a shit. You take him back to your room that you seem to already own within an hour of showing up to nerv (i guess they were able to save enough time to decorate by not screening you at all), and OH Mygod that is the smallest dick you have ever seen. It makes him even more pathetic somehow and that is just fucking incredible. You’ve never seen a more pathetic, miserable, waste of space in your entire life. It makes your 15 inch dick elongate by at least 3 inches. You don’t even know what to do. What do humans do? Your so confused. Humans are weird.

You are starting to get a feeling that this boy is definitely not human so you decide to be upfront about it.

“You’ re...human right?”

“Haha yeah ofc human things are the best”

Oh okay you guess he is human. No way he would lie or anything. Especially with all of these angels to watch out for. Your wonderful father Gendo walks in, see an 18 inch erection and your tiny micro erection, and then walks out. You definitly feel like this experience will either improve your relationship with him or harm it drastically. Your so fucking akward. How do you initiate fucking. You don’t even know so you just stare at his monstrous penis until maybe he does something. Hes not doing anything. God damn it.

*AN Okay I kno theri r plt hole but wtvr. Kawara can c Shinjaes penis becas he has x-ray vision. Alrright gtfo*

 

Oh god hes staring at you and he wont stop. You have studied humans for the hella long time of like five minutes and this is never something you came across. What does he want??? You decided to just stare back into his empty eyes. You suddenly wonder if its morally sound to fuck a boy with this many problems. You decide him forming an attachment to you wont cause too much trouble in the long run. He wont go all surrealism or anything haha thats absurd. What is a penis. Why do you have one. Why are there eyes everywhere. Is that a vagina. What the fuck. You start throwing strangly small blankets out of your nostrils. This is human indeed. EYES EYES EYES SO MANY EYES. Shingi is cyring god thats so hot that your penis explodes leaving blood and semen everywhere. You then die of blood loss.

Holy shit that may have been a bit too much acid you took just then. Fuck this is a bad trip. At least youre about to fuck this guy and holy fuck his head is actually gone. WHat the shit. Why does this keep happening. You would jack off over his corpse like the worst person on the fucking planet that you are but hes missing the best part. His massive dong. What are you supposed to do without that. You take one of the small nostril blankets and roll into a ball and scream.

Your name is Auska and you are SO RANDUM XD!!! Youre about to go troll this dum preppy loser shinji-baka when u hear an explosion come from his room. 

“Heyy pankae head are u in there???? (U use jokes liek that to be funny Xd) You go into his room and holy poop u think this might be semen. Shinjis creying like the mainstream fuker he is. You decide that this is too much for you and scoot out of that place.

 

Gosh Shinji. That rascal. You walk into his room and see blood and semen coating the walls. You run your fingers through your side pony tail before shaking your head at him. This is the 2nd time this week. 

“I’m fine with the fact that you bring guys back but you should at least clean up after yourself”

“Sorry Rei.”

You give him a kiss on the top of his head and then get to work cleaning his room. Hes such a little rascal. You carefully remove the corpse and clean up the blood and semen. You see nothing wrong with this.

You decide that the best option at this point is to go to the bar and get drunk enough to forget your worries. When you get there you sit down and after putting down somewhere between two and thirty bottles of vodka someone sits next to you.

“You too huh?”

You dont realise what hes referring to until you realise that he, too, is covered in semen and blood. Also he seems to have some robotic parts on him thats weird.

“um… yeah...how did it happen to you?”

“idk man final wishes or whatever hahah hhh”

He is deranged and you want to go home. But you also relate to this man. What is his story.

“Tell me about this man.”

“Fuckign robots man”

 

You understand completely. I wonder what its liek to fcku a rbot. Do they haev Semoneo? You don’t knwo adn you aer too drunk and high on aced ot care. You fall to the ground twitching and spazzing, foam leaking from your mouth.

 

 

 

 

 

Rip Shinji Ikari

Cause of death: drug overdose and angel semen.

You will be missed you strange motherfucker.

**Author's Note:**

> So basically im so sorry


End file.
